Who doesn't want to feel beautiful...right ?!?

"Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure, remember to whom you belong" based on Ephesians 2 v 19-22

There is a box that sits on my shelf, it's very big and very heavy ...

There have been days when this big box would fall off the shelf and hit me on the head. Then there are days when things mysteriously fly out of the box, use me as a punching bag and then return to the box. Then there are the desperate days when I open the box and go through all the hard stuff in it praying that at the end the box will be empty and I will find some hope!

This box is called Emma's Insecurities!

I have never felt beautiful.. we are all self critical and can put ourselves down and no matter how many people tell you differently, there have been so many days in my life where looking in the mirror has been painful and a real struggle!

I don't know where your insecurities come from, but for me, mine have always been wrapped up in how I have never felt or believed that I was beautiful! I have never felt like I was beautiful enough to be admired or appeal to any man. I have never felt I was enough to catch someones eye so much that they can't, and don't want to stop looking at you all night and they are so drawn to you that there are no words to describe how they feel when they see you!

Yes..., trust me I'm laughing too at how "Disney" or "fairy tale" this all may sound, and it only happens in the movies etc LOL! For years I have looked all around me at my friends, my family and looked on at couples in love... and as a woman, I have absolutely no shame in saying that I would love to experience that one day. To feel that I'm worth looking at, I'm worth being admired, I'm worth getting to know and I'm worth pursuing.

There is nothing wrong with wanting that ... but unfortunately for years what that box of insecurities has done to me has beaten me down, given me wounds that cut so deep and drowned out all the things that DO actually make me beautiful...

In my experience as a youth leader at church, we are so passionate about making sure that our youth understand that their worth, value and beauty are not wrapped up in how the world defines it, but should be in how God sees us... and while that is absolutely true, good and challenging to teach on... I find that at times I need a "note to self", this message is not just for youth, we ALL need to be reminded of how to see ourselves as God does!

Struggling with my insecurities for years left me so broken and even now the scars still hurt from time to time! There were times when that box would scream things at me like; you've been single forever and the reason for that is you're not exactly a "looker" or pretty like everyone else ?!?. you're not a size 10 (because that's what men go for... roll eyes here Emma!), you would love to be but you will probably never get there.... you're not beautiful, no man wants to love you, you're not worth it ... and to my shame, during the hardest of those days I used to say to God what have you done in making me look this way? Why can't I look pretty like my sister or my friends or my cousins... Why did you make a mistake with me God?

P.S. the scars are burning in me as I write this and it's very hard to stop the tears from falling too. (deep breath!!..)

Like any movie review.... Spoiler Alert!! and a good time to let you know there is light at the end of this post! :)

So I'm sure by now you're wondering what's with the Eiffel Tower picture? LOL! A little strange perhaps!

At the start of last year, when God was doing a lot of work transforming my battered and bruised heart, I was starting to really invest in proper time with God, morning and night daily without fail (and I still am to this day ... and long may it continue)! Through spending that time with God there came a shift, which I am so thankful to God for, in how I viewed and allowed my insecurities to affect me. I know that my shift in perspective was very much coming from God helping me to see the desires of my heart through his eyes and his purposes instead of the world's.

One night as I was talking to God about my struggles with the insecurities, I had a picture of the Eiffel Tower that came into my mind (yes there we go, the picture makes sense now!!) and running from the very top of it right down to the bottom was a list. I could see God writing on the list and in that moment as I started to read the it, I saw it had my name at the top of it. As I read on I discovered that it was all about every GOOD thing about ME and what makes me who I am!

I can't even begin to describe how much that picture has meant to me and is with me on a very regular basis... For me when I saw/see that picture my insecurities fall off me and blow away in a gentle breeze like autumn leaves!

I was sharing my testimony at youth a number of months ago and I shared about my struggle with my insecurities and my Eiffel Tower picture. As I was preparing my testimony Psalm 139 v 14 kept coming to mind which says "I Praise you because I am Fearfully and Wonderfully made your works are wonderful, I know that full well" ... as I said earlier through my struggles with insecurities I kept giving off to God asking him why had he done this to me... to make me so unattractive that no one wants me and so on...

But when I thought of that picture and put that verse with it that tells me:

God loves me enough to have taken the time to think about all the good things that He has and wants to make in me.

He loves me enough to write them down to show me how beautiful I am.

He loves me enough to make me in His image.

He loves me enough that I am unique (as we all are), with a long list of beautiful and good things that only He can write and create in me.

Most importantly... If I let my insecurities take over not only am I left in pain, but it leaves me questioning if I really am fearfully and wonderfully made... and now, for me to question that is to question what God has created ... I can't do that for one reason and that is because in knowing God, He does not make mistakes... EVER!

As men and women we can all struggle with looks and appearance and what culture and society says what makes us beautiful ... which lets be honest the "latest craze" can changes more than that weather here!

What if we stopped spending time looking around us and considered how differently we could see ourselves, our true value, worth and beauty if we all took time to stand under that Eiffel Tower and looked up to see the list that God has written for each one of us.

I am a romantic woman through and through (as if you haven't got that by now haha!) who would love to feel beautiful in this world, but because of God what I long for more is to be a woman who sees her value AND beauty AND worth on that list that God has made! I want to spend more time investing in and speaking the truth of Gods word over myself and not allow the lies to destroy the beauty of who I am! I want to understand more of the beauty God has created in me. It doesn't mean I don't feel the pinch of my insecurities at times, but I am so grateful and overwhelmed that because of this journey they don't define me anymore! I want to fight to hold on to the beauty of who God is in me! And as for the romantic part of me, my desire and prayer for that would be the man God would have for me, would fall in love with the list God has written because that is the beauty that will capture his heart when he sees me.

Whatever your insecurities are, don't battle them, let God do the battling for you and let Him show you how much you are really worth, and how much you are loved and valued and treasured by Him and how BEAUTIFUL you truly are!

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised" Proverbs 31v30

Praying this encourages you today.

Love Emma xx

#newtoblogging #stepoffaith #outoftheboat