"Spirit Lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour"
OCEANS By Hillsong United
As you know from earlier blogs, this new chapter on my journey with God began a few years ago when God helped me rediscover Him through better understanding the deep desire of my heart for a husband - what a God shaped marriage looks like with His plans and purposes as the very foundation of our relationship.
I am waiting!! (and YES that means very impatiently at times!!)
Waiting for me, literally looks like sitting in a waiting room, with half of a ticket stub waiting to be called for "your turn" and my husband has the other half of the ticket stub ... and that's when it all happens! You finally get the call and this DOOR WILL OPEN! But in praying and reflecting with God over the waiting I have felt challenged to ask what do you do while you wait...??
I have be in this Waiting Room for 36 (very nearly 37 years!! BOKE ... please let's not dwell on the numbers too long!) There have been so many years of different experiences in this room; sitting watching everyone else's number getting called, causing a riot because i'm frustrated and fed up and needing to be restrained (metaphorically) by security, sitting quietly to myself weeping hoping no one notices and sitting gazing longingly out the window to see if prince charming is about to arrive ... LOL... by the way ask any of my friends prince charming is sooooo not my type :) !!
With this journey, the waiting room has been changing how it looks. As I was spending my time with God, even just this morning and praying about this, I found myself feeling incredibly overwhelmed by God's peace in this place. I have seen God take my ticket, I have allowed Him to take control and hold it for His plans and purposes... and let's be honest, that ticket is absolutely in no better and safer hand than His, and it's OK to do that. When I spoke to a friend of mine about feeling like that she described it as "letting go does not mean giving up, it means you are letting God take control over it and trusting Him". Today, I feel so much joy and comfort that I actually don't have enough words describe it properly.
Again ... let me say this... it's OK to give it to God!
A few times along this journey I have opened up to few friends how, a lot of the time, in my walk with God, I can feel like I am in a big dark room! There are many doors around the room and I feel I can get so confused and can be surrounded by so much noise in the search for direction.. "what am I doing, where am I going, what does my life look like, I don't know where to go?? .... and so on" that I end up missing Gods still small voice guiding me towards the handles of the doors that He wants to open for me.
God wants us to do our part to come up to meet Him, we can make choices and decisions and trust that God is with us... but I have never really been the best at that! I always have spent too much time asking, talking, shouting, crying and never ever enough time stopping, being still and putting God at the centre of decisions and listening... REALLY LISTENING TO GOD for that direction!
These last few years, the story of Abraham really stirs and challenges my heart constantly!
"The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram departed as the Lord instructed...." Genesis 12 v 1-4
Abraham listened to God, heard God and Trusted God in the unknown of where he was going, at this point. He stumbled along the way and made mistakes but God was with him every step of the way.
For the promises God gave to Abraham that through his "offspring he would be the descent of nations", even when from human understanding it all seemed impossible...
"Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his FAITH" Genesis 15 v 6.
That amount of faith in God blows my mind! I crave that kind of trust in God and I know for sure God has been challenging my heart with that... And here's why... (now that I'm writing this ... it feels a little like the movie inception, so please bare with me!) My waiting room looks different, and God holds my ticket with the deepest desire of my heart .. because in my black room, there is a lot less noise and I have become better in my time with God at listening to Him. Through that, I can honestly say I am in amazement at the exceedingly unexpected doors that God has, not just opened, but blown off the hinges for me lately!!!
I have been offered a few more opportunities to do youth speaking; which always challenges you as you prepare talks.
I am doing more volunteer work with Cinemagic; investing more time and gaining more experience in one of my biggest passions, movies!
In the events that we have had with work lately, I have seen young girls come to faith!
This blog - has far surpassed my expectations (so thank you for your encouragement and support);
and as of the last ten days I am now a presenter on Sunshine Radio, a local Christian Radio Station, based in Belfast (NOT SO SHAMEFUL PLUG - 104.9FM I'm on Saturdays 3pm-7pm)
and trust me, I have done 12 hours and 36 hours with the SAS (Spoiler Alert: next blog in a few week after my hols) and going on the radio was a much bigger step out of the boat and a lot more terrifying!
... if those aren't doors flying open I don't know what else to give you right now!
I don't need to worry about that ticket with that deep desire of my heart, God has this and I am at such peace that He does!
About June time last year I was up north with one of my best friends, Zara, we did what we normally do, many hours of a catch up, out for dinner, and then sat in car in Portrush looking out over the sea to finish off our night by praying together (always the best of times spent with her!). She asked me what if God says to you "your husband won't be ready for 5 more years...??" while I can very easily slip into slap head/roll eye emoji here!! My response was and still IS ... "Right God... what do you have for you and me to do, while I/we wait...!"
My heart is so in awe right now of the opportunities God has thrown at me these last few months, I am excited to be a part of them and do you know what? I don't want to miss or waste a second of what God has for me to do, for Him and in preparation for all that lies ahead...!
I was teaching in youth on a Sunday morning before the summer and the topic was RELATIONSHIPS ... yes! I laughted at the irony too....! Who me... miss singleton...!?! LOL
As I was starting to plan it, I felt in myself "NO I cannot talk on relationships..., I needed better qualified people for this than me, so let's do a panel"! I had a married couple, a dating couple, and me as the single one. Being able to give 3 different views on relationships really provided a much broader and challenging perspective and it worked really well. One of things I love most about being a youth speaker is how God will meet you where you are at and challenge you so much in the preparation. The panel was great and I rounded the session off with this...
That as a Christian the biggest part of my life is, and will always be, my relationship with God! My status does not, and should never, define my relationship with God. But God in your life should enhance and help shape your status... single... dating.... OR married, all of which come with trials and can be difficult, but all of which also come with such joys and blessings as well and God uses every one of them for His glory!
So now...
I don't want to be restricted by my waiting room, I want to explore what God has, learn about who God is, grow in who I am in God, invest in time with friends and family, and share what God is doing in my life, to which I know God has opened these doors for me to do that... and while I wait, I pray and declare the desires of my heart to God every day, and I really do mean everyday! I also pray for opportunities to serve God, from the smallest things to the big things and to the embracing of the unexpected! I know God is answering each one of those and leading me on this path for my good, and ultimately for His glory!
Don't let a day go by in your life where you miss the opportunities that God is putting right in front of you.
Look at the example of Abraham for your faith to grow in what God has planned for you.
Whatever your waiting room looks like, will you trust Him, will you let God take the reins...?
I have no idea where these opportunities of mine are leading, but for the first time in my life, I'm actually excited to not know, because I know God is on the waters ahead of me and I am happy to walk behind Him!
Praying this blesses you today!
Enjoy :)
Love Emma xx
