"... I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do enter your room, you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise." C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I do love weddings, I always have! The fairytale dress, the perfect dashing handsome husband to be, the look on the grooms face when he first sees his bride, the beautiful bride being the centre of attention, a lovely service, a great day for a celebration and massive party with all your loved ones... and they live happily ever after! What's not to LOVE!
I was asked very recently "Do you not get sick and tired of going to weddings?". Most of my friends and family would happily inform you that there is no one they know, that goes to more weddings than me! I think I have been to at least one wedding a year for, probably, the last 20 years of my life! The title of this post gives you an insight to my wedding adventures of 2019!
And before we continue... all I can say is bless my poor dad, who I get the impression his blood pressure goes up, mostly at the thought of the guest list for mine, every time another wedding invitation arrives in the post for me. (This is from witnessing him say "another wedding" all too often - I know very perceptive hahah!!) LOL! But dad have no fear, not yet anyway... Katherine Heigl was in 27 Dresses, my movie is 50 Weddings and Counting .. and still Single! LOL!
Anyway, back to the question... before this journey started a few years ago, I would say YES … I did get fed up going to weddings (Disclaimer: please friends and family take no offence... I love you all and have enjoyed every wedding!) but in my human weakness and longing WHEN WAS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?!?!
And now...NO I don't get sick and tired of going to weddings..! So what has changed...?
As you know from my first post, after years of being fed up, I had a big fall out with God... But in looking back, as I write, I know with my whole heart God had purpose in my fall out with Him. He turned it for my good and His glory. I know this because God has changed my heart, my mindset, and my attitude towards marriage and he keeps reminding me I had to go down that path of turning my back on Him to be ready for what he has shown me over the last couple of years!
Some might say/think ... "of course you want to get married, you're a church girl from Northern Ireland and that's a big part of church culture there" .. Which I totally get! However, on this journey I feel that God has led me to ask Him what is this desire to get married, why do I have it and what is your purpose for it in my life? God has placed this deep rooted desire in my heart and I came to a point of wanting to understand it's purpose and as a result, have found myself discovering and experiencing God in a way I never had before.
A friend asked me the other day "Do you think you can pin point a moment when you feel God really woke you up as to why the desire is there?" My answer, upon reflection was YES, I absolutely can...! On the 21st of January 2018, one of our church elders was teaching on Ephesians 5 where Paul talks about marriage. Now that morning, I really wasn't sure I was up to hearing the "marriage talk" but little did I know God had a plan for me in it!
That day, all the pennies dropped, it was such a revelation moment and I came away feeling .. "OOOhhhhhh OK God, that's what marriage is, that is what it is meant to look like, that is why it represents your relationship with the church, and that is what it looks like with you at the centre... I get it!!! I knew then that through the years of wanting to be married more than anything else, literally more than anything else... what I wanted was all about ME, being SATISFIED, being FULFILLED, FITTING IN etc.... when in actual fact underneath all of that THIS is what my desire looks like and what I have ACTUALLY BEEN CRAVING and this is why I desire to be married."
So what's different??… quite simply.. in that moment I remembered not only how much I loved God but for the first time EVER, the scales fell from my eyes and I realised I loved God more and REALLY wanted to love God more than a husband. It took me 34 years to be ready to learn that and truly understand that level of love for God above all else. It's very easy to sit and listen to talks, to come and go from church every week and hear it but never really let it impact you... When this happened I couldn't ignore it! I couldn't ignore what God had shown me and helped me to understand not only about Him but also what I desire in Him.
This verse in Romans just blows my mind!
"...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" (Romans 12v2)
All I ever wanted was to get married and have the fairy-tale above. For it all to work out perfectly, fall madly in love, be a beautiful bride in a gorgeous dress and walk off into the sunset with the love of my life. If everything had gone my way with my plans all working out, I would be married ten years by now with; a nice house, a dog, twin girls and 2 boys (yes! I was very thorough with the plan)… and friends, I bet there is not one of you reading this who hasn't though about it.. :)!
However, in looking back now how I see marriage, the meaning of it, the purpose of it and absolute joy of it being given by God, with very very different eyes! Over the last two years I am in awe of what God has blessed me with, especially in experiencing and sharing with my friends in their journeys to their weddings. I have encountered God in a new way at weddings and none more so than at one of my best friends this past weekend. (Thank you Heather & Gareth)! I have just been so blessed sitting witnessing how God has answered their hearts desires. I have found such peace, like never before, in finding myself at overwhelming ease with God, knowing my journey is not my friends, and theirs is not mine...
My heart longs for what God has for me and that includes the husband God has for me.
I am content waiting! I sit in church and watch my friends getting married, with a full heart knowing that their wedding days are the days that God had planned for them. I want to wait until God shows and reveals the day he has for me.
Now.. while it all looks beautiful and perfect... it's far from easy and God never promises us that it will be. I am human and I have my days of stumbling about, trust me a really do... but talking to God constantly and reading my bible everyday, looking at Abraham (always my go to LOL), Joseph, Hannah etc... so many examples of people who had to wait for God to deliver His promises, all of which play an important role in Gods big picture! Their short comings along with their trust and belief in God brings comfort, strength and always unexpected reassurance of faith that God has me where he has planned for me to be :)!
Going back to the start with the C. S. Lewis quote, reminded of a friend saying to me, at a difficult time on the journey, "I wish this was easier for you," to which it would have been very easy for the old me to just go YES I wish is was too, I don't want to be were I am, and so on... but I know where that path leads.. it takes my heart away from God, which as I have learned, that is the one thing, above all else I don't ever want!
I can honestly say, only because of what God has done, I don't wish this was easier, I wish I was better in my patience and waiting and trusting, but if the journey was easier I wouldn't be where I am with God, and do you know what, no matter how long I have to wait for "my turn"... I wouldn't sacrifice a second of this journey with God because I love God more than a husband.. so much more than anything … and more than I probably ever thought possible. I want to honour God in everything, fight to protect what He has for me and trust in Him knowing God's timing is always worth the wait.
One thing I would highly recommend is take some time in your own walk with God to search for Him in the desires of your heart. Ask God to reveal to you what his plans and purposes are in your life. No matter what your desires are and what they look like, take them to God and He won't disappoint!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take." (Proverbs 3v5-6)
Praying this speaks to someone today! Enjoy :)
Emma xx
